Sunday, August 12, 2007

Guided by Harry Blalock's Ass

A bolt broke on the steering column on Bruce Bateman's boat. Bruce spent a lot of time trying to fix it, but the right part wasn't available, so Bruce's boat was navigated by Harry's ass. I mean this literally. The steering wheel was completely useless. It spun around without consequence. Our entire navigation system was Harry leaning his ass on the motors in one direction or another. So the two man operation was Bruce powering the motors from up front, Harry steering with his ass in the back (no pun intended), and me on the side making fun of them both. Before I commence the scorn and ridicule this situation begs for, it should be noted I knew this plan going in, and I still took this trip. I really like diving, but I love making fun of these guy even more. I'm going to offer my own best caption contest for the pics below. The winner for each gets a free drink at Porky's for the next blogger drinking session --hopefully on Bruce, aka Captain Useless. Here are my entries.

1. Q. How is your first night at Attica Prison and a trip on Bruce Bateman's boat similar? A. Both give your ass a workout?

2. And he said Gov. Babauta was the ass steering us in the wrong direction?

3. "I know I just admitted to ballroom dancing and I look like I'm really enjoying this, but I swear I'm not gay Bruce. Ask Kelli."

1. Q. What's more ineffective than the Saipan bureaucracy? A. Captain Useless and his spin wheel?

2. Harry likes it when we go full throttle. I didn't even give the order and I think he's "hard to starboard."

3. This wheel gives better spin than Richard A. Pierce.


Harry Blalock said...

Even my ass knows how to navigate better than Babauta. Next time maybe I'll even close my eyes, and I'm guessing I'll still be more accurate than he was.

Glad you had fun with this Jeff, you're very lucky we brought you back though you realize!

bradinthesand said...

"oh yeah, that's the spot right there. idle, idle, idle!"


"if you thought harry had a good gay pose..."

glend558 said...

A. He's kinda AC-DC, Will swing both ways.
B. Have ass will travel.
C. Here's Harry throwing his weight around again.

A. But I've never done this before.
Can you show me how?
B. What I need is another drink.
C. Why does this this happen to ME? Why here and why now?

Harry Blalock said...

Ok, here are my entries for the contest:

picture 1 - And to think I've been paying $20 to get my butt massaged when all I needed to do was come and steer Bruce's boat.

picture 2 - Now that I know that I can drive the boat, drink beer and not look where I'm going all at the same time, I'll never fix that dam (no n) steering.

Bruce A. Bateman said...

1. Did anyone bring the toilet paper? This vibration is getting to me.

2. What? Me worry?

Thanks for taking it moderately easy on us, Jeff. See you both on the water again soon. Hopefully with a working steering system.

Alternatively we could just drag Jeff behind the boat. He pushes his fins to the left, his body slews to the right causing the stern of the boat to pull that way also thus causing the boat itself to steer left (or 'port' as we mariners like to say) (Vintage wine drinkers also like to say 'port' but for a different reason). Then if we tied a couple of slabs of bacon to his feet and placed a strategic hook or two......