Guam Airport blows and other musings

This won't change anything, of course, but it will make me feel better, so I'm going to give Guam International Airport the lambasting it deserves. I get off the plane in Guam after getting everything but a colonoscopy at Palau security, and what is the first thing I have to do in Guam right off the plane at 4 am: Take your shoes off sir, belt, all metals, and are your nuts still attached, if not, please place them in this basket for inspection. I've only been married a few years, so they are still connected, sorry, use the wand, and tickle a little bit since it's 4am, I'm on the redeye from hell, I'm stuck in your shithole airport and I need a cheap thrill.

I didn't go anywhere near an unchecked civilian. Why do I have to go through the shoe bullshit again, not to mention x-ray, take off your belt, shave your pubes routine in case you're hiding plutonium in your sac region? Why again!!!! Are you so much more thorough in Guam than the last airport? One idiot tried something with his shoes years ago and people the planet over have to go through the shoe theatrics. Please. I've had times when there have been like three shoe checks. I saw this guy examine my zorries with the wrapt attention of Howard Carter opening King Tut's tomb. Plus, the silliness over water has to stop. If you can drink it, and demonstrate that it isn't some Mission Impossible liquid bomb, let it go. It's water, like 80 percent of the human body. Chill out Nurse Ratched. We don't examine most any cargo coming into the states, but three shoe checks and no water, so we're safe. What a joke.

Then they set up that little rope to block you from your gate or give you the stare to march you along like lambs to the slaughter for the pointless Guam check in counter. Why do I even have to clear immigration in Guam when I'm not staying there? Someone please explain that crap. Also, the existence of shaving cream in my checked, not carry on, luggage caused a literal ten minute investigation. I might be the only one with a toothbrush in Palau, but I can't be the only one who shaves. I had deoderant in my carry on, which is legal, but that still entailed a Nuremberg type deliberation since somehow Old Spice equals Al Qaeda. Use some sense, you soulless automaton. They must electroshock all vestiges of independent thought and common sense out of you at TSA Academy.

Plus, Guam airport basically held me hostage on my layover. I couldn't exit without a Continental representative to walk me through like it was my first day of kindergarten. Plus I had this bozo rent a cop on a powertrip interrogating me on whether my green tea in a cup was beer. What am I twelve, what if it was? You can't take green tea out onto the streets of Guam sir. I'm sure the teeming masses of Guam appreciate that kind of protection. I saw one guy with an apple, stop him and you might be chief of police. Plus you factor in the whole racist way they won't let Filipinos transfer through there, and it is just an awful place.

Beyond that, it is still the middle of the night, I've got a long layover in Hades, there is hardly anyone in the place, so sleep seems in order. I'm not expecting the Ritz Carlton, just to sack out on their mangy carpet in peace. Naturally, sleep is hard to come by with a blaring announcement over the loudspeaker every fifteen minutes not to leave your bags unattended and to report any suspicious activity to the Guam Gestapo.

Guam Airport is the United States in microcosm: reactionary, bullying, lacking common sense and self important.The terrorists have already won since we are a bunch of drunk on fear ninnies acting like this.
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The last time I used Wal Mart, a long while ago, it took like two months to get stuff here because they didn't put the customs form or something on it. Well, I just bought a Sony DVD player for $65, with shipping, and it was here in less than a week. The crappy Chinese no name player available here is of course more than $100 at Dolphin. Amazon is using UPS and DHL and getting things here much faster as well.
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This is from the Saipan Tribune, and sorry Boni:

The Attorney General's Office became the subject of intense criticism due to an
alleged proposal to legalize marijuana in the Commonwealth. Senate Vice
President Pete P. Reyes lashed at Attorney General Matthew T. Gregory who
reportedly wants marijuana decriminalized in a bid to raise revenue for the
government.“Just the idea that the highest law enforcement of the land is even
thinking about it is very disheartening, frightening. It gives the impression
that we're so desperate to generate some money that we would sell our souls,”
Reyes said.

No, Mr. Reyes, when this government paid lobbyist Jack Abramoff millions of dollars to keep poor people poor, it sold its soul. Everyone knows marijuana is far less harmful than Marlboros, yet the global hypocrisy continues on that one. No need to grandstand on this one, Senator. We weren't about to become Amsterdam any more than we already are. If we could eliminate spam and soda or marijuana from these islands, we'd be foolish to choose the latter. That isn't to say that marijuana does anything positive, it doesn't, but it isn't as bad as cigarettes or a lot of the diabetes inducing junk food people routinely eat.