Putting the band back together, sort of

I lost all interest in blogging for a while and wanted to take a break, but I'm thinking of getting back into it. I like the idea of keeping a journal.

Topics will be a hodge podge of whatever interests me at the moment. It will be niche oriented and in flux. I suspect I will probably be writing about things like Phoenix restaurants, film, comedians and professional sports. I've been gone from Saipan for a year now, so that won't be a topic.

The school year is over and I'm in the midst of doing a number of things like shopping for my first house, getting some health problems evaluated and I'm planning on taking a comedy course that concludes with a set at the Tempe Improv. I'm also hoping to really explore Arizona, and will probably drive out to Las Vegas, which will be my first time there. If fate should smile on me, I'm hoping to get out to either Belize or Roatan to do some diving and to try ziplining. I don't even have a passport right now, which shows how life has changed for me. I applied and that problem should be fixed. Travel to even the Caribbean is impossible without one now.

Alex just completed kindergarten and his growth amazes. He reads up a storm and is very inquisitive. He asked me the other day if God was real. I heard him use the word "addicted" in a sentence -- in his case a reference to his feelings about a videogame, which I thought a pretty impressive word choice for a six-year-old.

My Ashley is developing quite the personality. I can't get over how fast she is growing. I take her in the pool most every day. She walks around "supervising" the place constantly.

Taste of India folks doing better in Guam, MV 4

By Jeffrey C. Turbitt

If anyone wants to know where all our Japanese tourists have gone I can reveal the obvious answer and waive the $200,000 MVA consulting fee: They are in Guam -- in droves. A convenience store at 11:30 pm on a Thursday night had a line twenty deep in booming Tumon.

That we're being taken to the woodshed by Guam isn't shocking news, but after a weekend there I am stunned by the contrasts between Guam and here. Guam has more and better restaurants, shopping and hotels, yet not near the beauty of the Marianas Islands. Guam scuba diving was slightly more exciting than sticking your face underwater in the bath tub, yet the dive boats were packed, and I had to call a friend to find a contact to help get me on a boat. That we're losing to this, and not just losing, but getting spanked with Chicago Cubs style abandon befuddles.

I talked to a lot of tourists, Guam residents and former Saipan folks and everyone without exception said Saipan is more beautiful. They happen to be right. The Brown Tree Snake has killed off their King Fischer birds and other birds apparently, though they do not have wild dogs all over. The downtown tourist district though has a life to it that sits in stark contrast to Garapan, which is typically emptier than the space between George W. Bush's ears. That ghost town feel in Garapan, like a lifeless night club, gives that unhappening vibe that doesn't draw repeat business or good memories.

There aren't all that many fish underwater in Guam, and the coral isn't very colorful. Several tourists told me they'd rather go to Saipan, but it is just too inconvenient to get there. I spoke with Japanese divers and they also noticed the absurd prices Saipan dive shops charge, upwards of fifty percent higher than Guam, and they are annoyed by that. When people from Japan, where a gumball purchase practically requires a loan shark or a mortgage broker, think things are expensive, you know you're probably pushing things too much.

In some regards, Guam is making the same mistake as us by putting the strip clubs and karaoke bars in the heart of its tourist district. Naked, writhing women have their place don't get me wrong, when I was single I had a strong recommendation on that place, but it's not in the tourist district where families congregate.

In visiting the Maharani, which is owned and staffed by the same people from the Taste of India in Garapan, the contrasts are even more amazing. The old Taste of India had delicious, exotic food with a very friendly staff at reasonable prices, and they were rewarded with virtually no business. In Guam it's packed every night.

Tom Kallingal is the owner of the Maharani, and after years in Saipan he now has a bustling business with his Indian restaurant. "Back in 89 things were good. The Japanese market gradually came down. Chinese and Koreans go to Chinese or Korean restaurants. Eighty percent of our customers were so called haoles. This island has more support from the community as a whole. We're full every night so far. I expect to see more when the military comes in."

Kallingal said federalization and the minimum wage were no issue for him, and in fact he said federalization is the answer to Saipan's troubles because he feels the current wages don't provide a living. "They won't like it, but federalization is the answer. People can't live on those wages and they will continue to leave." Kallingal didn't blame the CNMI government for his businesses problems, but noted they were not helpful, either. "The government did nothing to help us, but they didn't cause harm, either. The parking issue was a problem for us. The night clubs took over the clean businesses. It hurt us. The families hated to come. Saipan is so much more physically beautiful (than Guam) with its Flame Trees. I really like Saipan, but they are two different markets.”

Joji Cherian, one of the famously friendly waiters now in Guam, says his life has changed for the better because he's getting a lot more pay. He says he is not the only one doing better in Guam. "I really miss Saipan. We had time to talk to customers. We see a lot of people from Saipan, maybe 100, who live here now. Many others have visited us and I'm so happy to see them."

Pauly Vettiyadan, the second half of the dynamic duo from the Old Taste of India, has had similar experiences. "It was easy and sometimes boring. We had a big reputation. We had a lot of mainland customers, but not much else. Here they are more adventurous eaters and the whole community is supportive.”

There really is no reason for Guam to be eating our lunch the way they are right now. The first, second and third solution is going to revolve around more direct flights to these islands. This will lead to better shopping and better restaurants. We certainly have the raw materials to turn this place around as a tourist destination.

We shouldn't be losing to Guam

I just spent a couple days in Guam on business and pleasure. Guam has very good shopping, some very good restaurants and lots of choices, really liked the Jamaican Grill, but the diving is absolutely atrocious. The shop I went with was very professional, friendly and did their best, Sapphire Diving, but Guam, from what I saw, offers very little diving wise -- it doesn't hold a candle to Saipan diving. The island as a whole also doesn't have near the aesthetics we have. What it has is more life, more shopping and bigger and better hotels, and the ability to get there. I talked to a lot of people, and that was the essential comment, Saipan is nicer, but it is too inconvenient to get there. They also notice how we jack the prices up on them more than Guam and to the point of absurdity. The diving example is a case in point. $80 two tanks with lunch and gear. From what I was told, we are charging more along the lines of $120, which is 50 percent more.

I also visited the new Maharani in Guam, run and staffed by our Taste of India folks, and it is doing fantastically well. I had a lot more fun in Guam than I expected, but we shouldn't be getting our asses handed to us by Guam, which is happening. More on these things later.

North Carolina is cool

I'm visiting an old friend for a weekend in Asheville and Charlotte, North Carolina. Both places are way cool. Asheville is a majorly bohemian town that is far more liberal and hippie than even New York City. I can't believe I'm in the South. There are a lot of folks in need of a bath. The mountains are gorgeous. There are lots of outdoor sports and great restaurants. I was supposed to go rafting, which would have been great, but it fell through. Asheville isn't too hot, it isn't too cool, it's some damn good porridge. I can see myself here.

Charlotte is a bit more urban and less progressive, but still pretty nice. I went to Carowinds and rode a lot of roller coasters, which I haven't done in a while. Carowinds has a massive number of coasters, including one you lay down on. I felt like Superman on mushrooms. It was weird. I got to eat at Waffle House twice, which always kicks ass. They have some killer chicken sandwiches, and of course, the waffles are king. I always miss the House. I had a brick oven pizza in Charlotte with fresh mozzarella at a place called Bricks that was fantastic.

While in Charlotte I saw Michael Moore's Sicko. It was a staggering work where MM slays all the boogeymen: hatred of the French, Cuba, the "evils" of socialized medicine et al. I love the man's balls, not literally, and there is scant material to coherently argue with in the movie. The backlash will doubtlessly be "Michael Moore hates America" or "Michael Moore wants socialism" woooo boooo raaah monster ahead or some other not very good scare tactic masquerading as argument. The state of American health care is sad. Last year I had Pacificare and was going to pay out of pocket to see a gastro last summer, and an initial consultation was $500. Thanks for that. This movie shows how and why and where health care is better. People like my man Bruce Bateman will have a heart attack at the ideas in this movie, but Bruce probably has a good medical plan post heart attack. Many don't.

I saw a guy in the airport as I was waiting to come here, and he was doing yoga and sticking his head between his legs doing all kinds of crazy stretching exercises. I had two thoughts: First I'd prefer not to see someone that in touch with himself at the airport. Second, it is a good thing I never did yoga or got that limber as a teenager. I might not have left the house.

I'm going back to Chicago tomorrow to see my sister in law, and I'll be going to Wrigley Field on Monday. I miss my family terribly.

Also, reading the local papers has me very depressed about what I expect to be a rough year in Saipan with the state of the economy.

Musings on Chicago and elsewhere

Wow. I said in my letter in the Variety and my blog post that I hoped the Bishop would say something about that Taotao Tano protest. Today he did. I'm sure I'm not the reason, but this is great news and it is encouraging to see. Add the bishop to that long list of Taotao Tano protest critics I posted and continue to update here.

Rep. Ramon A. Tebuteb is also a new member on that list. It should be noted that an apology is now in order from Taotao Tano so they can get back to the good ideas they started out with and have some meaning as a civic group.
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I'm guessing there must be more vice principals than principals and that would explain this: "Of the 20 principals, seven are now considered highly qualified for passing Praxis 1 and 2. Among the vice principals, 15 have already passed both tests."
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I went to two concerts over the weekend: Rush and the Dave Matthews Band. This was the 11th time I saw Rush and the second for the DMB. The Rush concert was great. They played a lot of songs they seldom play. They showed great humor in their video clips, and the light/stage show was great. The playing, of course, brilliant, and the theater designed for such an event. It was fantastic in every way, and worth the relatively cheap these days ticket price of $100. I paid $20 less than face for a good seat. The Police are charging up to $300 in their reunion tour. Concerts are pricey as hell these days.

The Dave Matthews Concert was disappointing. Some of his song choices left something to be desired. He didn't have much of a stage show at all, and the Toyota Park Stadium in Illinois, a soccer stadium, wasn't designed for a concert and it was obvious. Naturally, they made it difficult to go to and from my seats, and being not all that tall, it was hard to see much much. It is also basically in a residential area, and the roads aren't designed for a stadium. Dave mumbles a lot to the crowd. Interaction is something I usually like in a concert, but I didn't know a word he said. It wasn't that loud, either.

The DMB gets a much hotter looking crowd than Rush, which is a total sausage fest of frustrated musicians and people who actually read the lyrics and generally know something about the instruments. The DMB are every bit the virtuosos Rush are, and that is saying something, but the DMB gets a crowd of college girls in full Bacchanalian mode. Normally, I would think this a positive since I thought I missed out in college because I was actually studying and being serious and stuff, and now I remember why I did what I did instead of getting drunk and laid more like everyone else. Yeah, maybe that's why I still have an edge. The obsession and fixation with drinking mass quantities of beer was and is such a juvenile turn off that I couldn't put up with it even then, even with the carrot of proximity to hot young coeds. Seeing that again yesterday for the first time in a while reminded me how vulgar it is.

I told my wife Cynthia recently I would be Carl's roommate, our ten year old, when he goes off to college, but he will have to get a real college roommate now. I'm sure he'll appreciate that. She starting crying at the mere idea that Carl would grow up one day, leave us and go off to college. My promise to go with him wasn't a factor in the tears.

There was this guy named Rusty who lived in the dorms with us then young folks at the University of South Carolina circa 1993. He was like 45 years old, grey hair, on like his fourth degree and putting off the real world like the plague. I remember distinctly him saying this to me of the girls in the dorm, "Man, these girls come up to me for advice like I'm Yoda or something, but I just want to get in their pants. They see me as their dad." Rusty seemed pretty cool back then, and he was a good ally for putting a good word in for you with the women, since he knew them all, but I won't be that guy.
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Out in Illinois bikers are not required to wear helmets. They seem to take this freedom to the limit, as no one wears a helmet. It would seem prudent to wear a helmet, you know, just in case, and now that you "don't' have to" and no one does, you don't have much to rebel against other than your own stupidity. Sure enough, I've seen tons of bikers and not one helmet. A brain trauma ward doesn't seem like such a fun place or a fair trade, but I guess I'm getting old.
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I drove my sister's car to the DMB concert and the front lights come on automatically. I thought this meant they all did. They didn't. The rear lights were off. I get pulled over by an Illinois cop, he asked for my license, said he was going to give me a ticket. The thought of taking off for a drive in a mall like Jake and Elwood was tempting, but not practical. He went back to his car, probably realized booking a ticket for a Saipan license was going to be a hassle, like we can't order stuff online because MP is missing half the time, so he let me off. Cheers for my Saipan license.

Musings on Guam Airport revised and revisited

I sent this to a few of the edgier journals out there, and a tamer version to a few others. I was greeted mostly with silence. I don't have national media contacts, and certainly don't have the patience or slavish demeanor to beg them to run something I know is better than 2/3 of the safe, dull, middle of the road stuff they print. I also don't have the published writer's requisite skill of dealing with rejection or indifference very well. If you can link to this from some type of webzine with an audience that likes edgy, humorous stuff with a political bent, please link to this, as I feel it deserves a wider audience. Jeff

Out in Micronesia, just a small radar blip in the Pacific, sits Guam International Airport. Like many airports, it is a vast, packaged, neon vestibule of unhealthy, overpriced fast food, the mind boggling curiosity of duty free shops, and a more common currency: aggravated Asian travelers. One notable difference is that Guam is an America much closer to Hong Kong and Tokyo than New York or Los Angeles .

Guam is a full blown U.S. territory like Puerto Rico and a common transfer hub for Asian travelers to Hawaii, Australia and other locales. Guam has two well known monikers. Fiscal conservatives noting the federal dole that Guam, and other Pacific Islands survive on, say Guam stands for Give Us American Money, while retired military expats familiar with the more lascivious, neighboring locations of Thailand and the Philippines say Guam stands for Give Up And Masturbate.

A traveler doesn’t have to visit Guam, a popular beach vacation site for Japanese honeymooners, to feel the hysteria post 9/11. A mere transfer will suffice for this dog to bite as America continues to expand global alienation on a more personal front: airport security. I speak from recent personal experience.

I get off the plane in Guam after getting a quite thorough screening at Palau International Airport. Palau is one of the most renowned scuba diving locations on the planet, its main tourist draw and the one that brought me there, and is in Free Compact of Association with the United States, which basically means Palauans can enter the United States without visa issue, and the U.S. provides them with economic aid. The U.S. in return gets a claim on a place that is famously part of the “Coalition of the Willing” from Michael Moore’s Fahrenheit 9/11.


The first thing I have to do in Guam right off the plane from Palau at 4 am: Welcome to the United States. “Take your shoes off sir, belt, all metals, and are your nuts still attached, if not, please place them in this basket for inspection.” I might need them, so they are staying connected, sorry, use the wand, and tickle a little bit since it's 4 am, I'm on the redeye from hell, I'm stuck in your shithole airport and I need a cheap thrill. I just got off an airplane, I didn't go anywhere near an unchecked civilian, so this begs the obvious question of why do I have to go through the shoe routine again, not to mention another x-ray, take off your belt, shave your pubes routine in case you're hiding some well placed plutonium in your sac region? Why again!!!! Is Guam security so much more thorough than the last TSA manned airport? One idiot tried something with his shoes years ago and people the planet over have to go through these shoe theatrics without end in sight. Please. I've had times when there have been three shoe checks for one trip. The only real threat my shoes offer is the one they hold to pleasant smells. I saw one Transportation and Security Administration (TSA) officer examine my flip flops with the wrapt attention of Howard Carter opening King Tut's tomb.

Leaving Palau, the existence of shaving cream in my checked, not carry on, luggage caused a literal ten minute investigation. I might be the only one with a toothbrush coming from Palau, but I can't be the only one who shaves. Throughout Micronesia locals suffer massive dental issues from their love of a tree fruit called betel nut, which is generally stuffed with cigarette pieces, mixed with powdered lime to break it down for easier chewing, and wrapped in a pepper leaf to provide a nice buzz. There are probably more cigarettes chewed than smoked in Micronesia. Betelnut is a common addiction in Micronesia and has similar health, dental and aesthetic issues as chewing tobacco.

The war on terror, I mean hygiene continues, though. I had deodorant in my carry on, which is legal, but that still entailed a Nuremberg type deliberation since somehow Old Spice equals Al Qaeda. At some point someone needs to snap and say, “Use some sense, you soulless automaton!” I’m convinced they must electroshock all vestiges of independent thought and common sense out of these people at TSA Academy.

After the foiled UK plot a few months back, the liquid and hygiene situation is the latest overreaction. The silliness over water continues unabated. If you can drink it, and demonstrate that it isn't some Mission Impossible liquid bomb, let it go. It's water, like 80 percent of the human body. Chill out Nurse Ratched. We don't examine most any cargo coming into the states, but three shoe checks and no water, so we’re supposed to think we're safe. What a bunch of babies we’ve become, not to mention that this American airport in Asia is as welcoming as a punch to the stomach.Then Guam security sets up this rope to subdivide the airport and actually block you from your gate. This is designed so they can give the new arrivals the stare for the Battan style march to the slaughter at the pointless Guam immigration check in counter, and if you, the already harassed, step on the wrong side at the wrong time, they threaten you with a fresh round of shoe checks, X rays and quite possibly a trip to Guantanamo Bay. Even an American traveler like me feels cowed from asking the obvious question of why do I have to clear immigration in Guam when I am not staying there, or not be able to head to my gate yet because others need to go through this ridiculous routine? Doesn’t my name go down on the easily identifiable “previously manhandled” list?

With all this security you’d think Guam International Airport would be a hub for all travelers, but nope, they won't let Filipinos, and others from less prosperous countries, transfer through without a full blown U.S. Visa.

It is still the middle of the night, I've got a long layover in Hades, and there is hardly anyone in the place, so sleep seems in order. I'm not expecting the Ritz Carlton, just to sack out in peace on their mangy carpet. Naturally, sleep is hard to come by with a blaring announcement over the loudspeaker every fifteen minutes not to leave your bags unattended and to report any suspicious activity to the Guam Gestapo.

These security pros clearly find travelers annoying, so they briefly held me hostage on my initial layover. I couldn't exit without a Continental representative to walk me through immigration like it was my first day of kindergarten. I ate at the lousy food court, so I wasn’t exiting completely within the allotted time. Since this was inconvenient to security, I had this bozo airport cop on a power trip interrogating me on whether my green tea in a cup was beer. What am I twelve, what if it was? His invented regulation: “You can't take green tea out onto the streets of Guam sir.” I'm sure the teeming masses of Guam appreciate that kind of protection. I was going to mention that I saw one guy with an apple, and if he could stop him, he might get a Homeland Security appointment in the Bush administration, but I really wasn’t in any mood to undergo extraordinary rendition and be re-routed for less comfortable questioning in Syria, so I merely smiled and sheepishly surrendered my $3.00 beverage before heading out of the Taliban’s new headquarters.

Guam Airport is the United States government in microcosm: reactionary, bullying, lacking common sense and self-important. The terrorists have already won since we are a bunch of drunk on fear ninnies, alienating both Americans and citizens of the world’s fastest growing economies with our bullshit.

New York New York

Anyone who knows me, reads my blog, or has seen my gut, knows I love to cook and eat good food. They also know I find a lot of what American culture has become is embarrassing, and the political culture and leadership is beyond embarrassing -- more to the point of reprehensible and abysmal beyond mere partisan differences or varying opinions. The dark side is openly subverting what it means to be an American and what makes this country different, unique and better. No, I'm not offering another full blown anti-Bush rant today, I'm merely setting a premise fo my amazing day yesterday, where we are, and where we could be.

I can't believe we now live in a country that allows this moron's goons to spy on Americans without a warrrant, torture people or ship them off to countries that torture, shove religion down our throats and hire high ranking justice department officials from Pat Robertson's diploma mill law school, hold suspects without charges or access to a lawyer, spend billions to invade a non-threatening country on false pretenses, run up a $9 trillion debt yet cut taxes for rich people while starting that same war, take four days to get water to disaster victims in the Superdome, manage to leave 46 million without health insurance, stonewall Congress, which never investigated or provided oversight on anything for years anyway since the majority was in the same party as the executive branch, fire prosecutors for not trumping up charges against political adversaries, allows the AG to essentially perjure himself by obviously feigning memory loss, allows Dick Cheney to claim he's not even in the Executive branch to avoid Congressional oversight, and allows this administration to do all this without even really getting elected in the first place.

On the general culture front, celebrity gossip culture runs rampant and sickening fast food is about every ten feet -- making us fat and unhealthy. The mad dog consumer culture is equally ubiquitous with Ipods now in vending machines. Being well educated is a liablilty because you're an "elite." Most television programming is incredibly dumb with people eating disgusting things for my entertainment or quiz shows at the fifth grade level. No one really reads anymore, and if they do, it tends to be more celebrity bullshit or whatever Oprah likes. Movies are remakes, sequels or ninety minutes of mindless explosions and violence. Music scarcely requires an instrument and popular songs are also remakes. I feel so disappointed in what we've become that it wears on me. I'm not all that proud to be an American anymore. Yes, I enjoy and appreciate the advantages being an American offers, but I have higher standards for us, and we don't live up to them anymore.

I spent the day yesterday in Manhattan. I'm not from New York, I'm from New Jersey. People from New York tend to look down on New Jersey -- and most everyone. They radiate a "we're better than you" attitude that is unbecoming. With that said, they are kind of right. Manhattan in better. However, New Yorkers should be gracious enough not to act that way. However, New Yorkers aren't unfriendly people. I've always thought that was a misconception. I asked for help on directions and struck up conversations a handful of times and it was always fruitful.

I've been to a lot of big cities: Paris, Rome, Seoul, Osaka, Tokyo, Chicago, Atlanta, San Francisco, Bangkok, Manila, Beijing to name some. Manhattan isn't the best city on Earth, as they often claim. I would grant that title to San Francisco, which has everything Manhattan has, and is significantly more beautiful, but Manhattan is an amazing place. I was walking around the city yesterday, and it just offers so much as to be overwhelming. I took a stroll through Central Park, and it is an enormous natural oasis in a sea of concrete and skyscrapers. It is a welcome respite that is civilizing and reminds you that people actually live here, not just work or come in for the day like us Jersey folks.

I roamed the Metropolitan Museum and gazed at amazing Impressionistic paintings, Ancient Greek pottery and armor, the Egyptian Book of the Dead in original papyrus scroll strung across one long corridor, as well as numerous Egyptian sarcophagi. I saw Ancient Roman coins, busts of Caesar Augustus and others, and quite a bit of impressive American art.

I want to a comedy club and heard relative novices spin out witty and wry observations. I ate at a Cuban Restaurant called Sophies that kicked so much ass I can hardly contain my enthusiasm. Simple rice and beans dressed up with their jalapeno sauce staggered beyond belief into a gourmet feast. The Cuban Sandwich I ate with this exploded with exotic peasant flavors, notably because of the flat crusted Cuban bread. After walking around some more, I had a Masala Tea in an Indian take out place, which had a great looking French Restaurant and a Thai Restaurant next door. The food options stagger. The food is great because most everyone is an immigrant here. They bring their global influences to bear.

In Manhattan, I'm not the oddball I am in Saipan and most places. I'm not even the most blunt guy anymore. It has been a long time since that happened. Most everyone there is cynical, edgy, smart, liberal, political, ethnic, comedic, artistic, competitive, ambitious, interested in culture, food and general quality and competence. I love this about New York. They aren't drunk on fear ninnies who never go anywhere, don't know anything and have nothing to say. I hate to say this, but the vast majority of people are boring. They feel little obligation to bring something to the social table beyond common courtesies and trivial small talk. This New York spirit is what is lacking in other places if you ask me. Yesterday, for the first time in a long ass while, I felt like I was surrounded by people like me, kindred spirits galore.

Manhattan restores my faith in America. New York was the principal target of "the terrorists," yet very few people believed in George Bush's bullshit very long, not that many people do anymore, but they were early to that party. John Lennon sang that great line about people being kept doped on religion and sex and tv. New York isn't doped on religion and tv that's for sure, sex probably. New York is different there, too. People stay out late to party, eat, talk, hear jazz, see live theater, go to comedy clubs, shop, have kinky sex, catch a baseball game, whatever. The women that roam the city are gorgeous, stylish and sophisticated. This is not the case in the Jersey suburbs or even most places.

You can walk the streets and everyone is from somewhere else. You can hear French, Italian, German, Arabic and most any language being spoken. I didn't look, but I bet I could find a Chamorro restaurant -- probably the only place in America a person could do that, and no one cares if you are gay, straight, transgendered, existentialist or running dog revisionist. It is a live and let live place, yet it is also blunt and aggressive.

New York is what the Democratic Party should be, but isn't. Smart, edgy, live and let live, yet blunt, direct and bold. Liberals can do this, they just don't, and that is why they lose and the dark side has run amok with Caligulan abandon. It was a good day and one that made me feel better about this country.

Front row at the freak show

George Carlin once observed, "When you're born in this world, you're given a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America you're given a front row seat." Well I’ve only be in America five minutes, and I’ve already seen Exhibit A: an IPOD vending machine. I am not kidding, Minneapolis Airport has a literal vending machine that sells IPODS and all IPOD accessories. I don’t even know what to say. I wish I could take a picture, but my digital is long busted, so I can’t. Let me repeat that again, IPODS are being sold in vending machines for $200 and up like it is a Nestle’s Crunch Bar. No wonder we owe $9 trillion. I’ve been gone six years, though I’ve visited, and six years in the states are Dog Years, so maybe for people living here the whole time, this isn’t such a mind boggling turn of events, but I’m still almost speechless. The contrast in the mad dog consumer culture is just so staggering.

Japan is the second biggest economy in the world, but judging by the two airports, I know why they are number two and destined to stay number two. In freaking Minneapolis, a big place, but hardly the size of Tokyo, there is a full blown mall with everything under sun and moon to buy. In Tokyo, the options were so few I actually ate god awful McDonalds for lunch. Here in Minneapolis, they have everything in the airport: A Fox News store for one. I didn’t even know bullshit was a salable commodity. The Body Shop, the Chocolate Factory, Nevada Bob’s Golf Shop, an eyeglass store, Wolfgang Puck’s gourmet fast food, what an oxymoron there, and numerous other sit down restaurants, and that is just what is in eyeshot. Tom Hanks’ character from The Terminal might live here for the convenience. Some company is selling kayaks, which I'm sure I can fit in my carry on bag. It only took me about eight minutes to find the Statue of Liberty, no I’m not in New York, I’m talking about the real Statue of Liberty: the lady in the Starbucks logo. This place, which I like and from which I pen this post, is like a walking cash machine selling massively caloric $5 Iced Caramel Macchiatos to the pimply, obese masses at an alarming rate. I settle for the regular $2 normal coffee.

Of course, there is still that other freakish part of modern travel: airport security. I’ve been x-rayed today more than Evil Knievel after trying to jump his motorcycle across a couple air craft carriers. To travel from Saipan to the states, at least the state of New Jersey, requires stops to airports in Saipan, Nagoya, Narita, Minneapolis and ultimately Newark. I’ve been x-rayed and bag checked four times. Only the states insisted on yet another shoe check. God, what a bunch of babies we are.

Continental or Northwest better with miles

I'm flying home soon, and I will get enough miles almost 25K to go somewhere. Does anyone have any experience with Northwest for free flights. I've used Continental for free trips to the PI and Palau, and I'm pretty sure 25 K gets you to Australia and Bali on Continental. Where does 25K get you on Northwest -- especially Thailand. Any advice.

Diving around and about

I dove the Grotto again yesterday. The Grotto is still just about my favorite on the planet. It is more unique with those contrasts between light and dark than most anywhere else, and so much can be explored here. Those steps are rough, though. I'm still in pain.

I moved to Saipan in large part for the ability to dive whenever I wanted to. In year one and now in year four I've done fair bit of diving. I almost bit it at the Grotto in year one, which didn't spook me on diving, but it spooked me on the Grotto. Crossing that rock still scares the shit out of me. I have a very healthy respect for the dangers of that place, as everyone should, but doesn't. I've seen some people standing around with waves crashing and generally oblivious to the danger. I found this island by coming here on a dive vacation from Korea and was told there was a large demand for English teachers. I contemplated if I could live in such a small place "for a year," decided yes, and here I am four years later. I'd probably be out here for the longer haul if I could buy a house and the government wasn't so "fly by night," but it isn't and that isn't the purpose of this post.

Since I got certified in 2001, I've been diving in the following places in order of dive trip: Cheju Island Korea (Open Water), Boracay Philippines (Advanced Open Water), Phuket Thailand, Koh Tao Thailand, Saipan CNMI, Puerto Gallera Philippines, Palawan Philippines, Palau, Gili Trawangan Indonesia and Bohol Philippines. I have a real interest in doing a liveaboard on the Great Barrier Reef in Australia one day and another trip to Palau before I leave this area. Eventually I'd like to dive the Red Sea as well, which would allow me to see the Pyramids and the Sphinx and all that stuff everyone should see.

Cheju Island is between Korea and Japan. It is the Korean honeymoon spot. I'd never even been snorkeling at this point, let alone diving, and then I did my first dive here. I thought it was amazing, but anything would have been amazing on dive one. The first dive is like the first sexual experience: awkward, nerve wracking, amazing and very short with that little voice saying, "everyone should know about this, wow." I doubt this is a must see spot for serious divers, but is good if you are in Korea.

Boracay, Philippines. This place has a great beach, good restaurants and a cool atmosphere overall. I just went for like the fourth time a few weeks ago. The diving here is fairly lame, but it is a great place to learn to dive because the water is warm, clear and there is no current. This is not a place for experienced divers. I did a drift dive that was cool, and there is a deep dive called Yap Bak or Yap Yak or something like that, which is ok.

Phuket is a bit of a tourist hell along the main tourist areas with the relentless commercial assault, but there is really no place like Thailand. There are lots of cool day trips to take to caves, elephant rides and ancient cave drawings. It is legitimately gorgeous here, the food is great and the diving is spectacular. The diving is also not cheap for Thailand, or anywhere else, as you have to go out pretty far to get to the good spots, but there is tons to see here. I dove with Sunrise Divers and recommend them.

Koh Tao has a great reputation for diving, and I thought it was pretty good, but not great. You get there by ferry from the Koh Samui area, and it is a small island with a good vibe, good food and good, but not great diving. The whole focus is on diving here, unlike nearby Koh Phangan, the stoner "full moon party" island. The diving is cheap, though. $20 bucks with gear when I was there. It doesn't have the commercial assault so evident elsewhere and the bungalows are like $5 per night. There is no power during the day for the most part, but everyone is out diving anyway.

Saipan, CNMI. We are lucky to have such great visibility here, but it certainly appears to me that the coral is getting bleached out. I watched the Mike Tripp video and this was especially evident. The Grotto is still a staggering dive, and I like Naftan and Ice Cream as well. I'd like to do Bonzai when the time is right, but I've never done so thus far. I wish I could do more boat dives here without breaking the bank. I only spent more money on diving in Palau than Saipan -- at least when I came here as a tourist. It's good here, but not amazing. I'm eager to dive Rota as well, but have not thus far.

Puerto Gallera, Philippines was utterly lame in my view. I was not there during optimal season (Christmas), which I'm sure is a factor, but it was cold, poor visibility and generally seedy. This is the closest dive resort to Manila, but was not a place I'd return to at all.

Palawan, Phillipines on the other hand was a great place. This is a great place to dive WWII wrecks. It is a lot like Chuuk for a fraction of the cost -- maybe $25 or so. In terms of natural beauty this place is great. The town of Coron is pretty loud and polluted and not very memorable. I got a referral from a buddy for Discovery Divers and I'd recommend them highly. This is a place I'd visit again for sure. The visibilty isn't much here because they have pearl farms in the water, but the water is so nutrient rich that it is just so full of life.

I suppose it has all been said about Palau, so I won't add much more other than it doesn't disappoint even with all the buildup and expectation. They have everything in Palau: wrecks, caves, drift dives (most of them). big fish, weird fish and it is just a staggering place to visit with a great vibe. I dove with Sam's, and while it wasn't cheap, it was first class all the way. I dove with Keith Santillo specifically, who was about the best dive master I've ever encountered. He worked with Sam's at the time, and he might be independent now, not sure. Blue Corner is completely amazing -- one of the great experiences of my life. I was there when a typhoon recently hit Yap, so conditions weren't optimal, but it was still a good trip.

Gili Trawangan is this cool little hangout near Bali on nieghboring Lombok. It is a party island with at best ok diving. The currents there are strong, the viz limited and there was nothing about the one dive I did there that was memorable, which is why it was only one dive. I've heard there are places in the Bali area, Lovina I believe, that are pretty good, but I never made it there. I wouldn't go to Gili T for the diving.

Bohol, Philippines has some damn good diving. There are lots of small little critters around and about and very good visibility. They have lots of walls that are worth checking out, and the dives are between 25 and 35.