What if they had a funeral and no one cried?

When someone dies, and people still can't bring themselves to speak well of them, you know they were pretty awful. The most classic example was H.L. Mencken's eulogy, To Expose a Fool, of William Jennings Bryan, who died shortly after the Scopes Trial ended. Mencken's acid pen uttered:

"Bryan lived too long, and descended too deeply into the mud, to be taken seriously hereafter by fully literate men, even of the kind who write school-books. There was a scattering of sweet words in his funeral notices, but it was not more than a response to conventional sentimentality. The best verdict the most romantic editorial writer could dredge up, save in the eloquent South, wasn't the general effect that his imbecilities were excused by his earnestness--that under his clowning, as under that of the juggler of Notre Dame, there was the zeal of a steadfast soul. But this was apology, not praise.

This talk of sincerity, I confess, fatigues me. If the fellow was sincere, then so was P.T. Barnum. The word is disgraced and degraded by such uses. He was, in fact, a charlatan, a mountebank, a zany without any shame or dignity. What animated him from end to end of his grotesque career was simply ambition--the ambition of a common man to get his hand upon the collar of his superiors, or, failing that, to get his thumb into their eyes. He was born with a roaring voice, and it had the trick of inflaming half-wits against their betters, that he himself might shine. His last battle will be grossly misunderstood if it is thought of as a mere exercise in fanaticism--that is, if Bryan the Fundamentalist Pope is mistaken for one of the bucolic Fundamentalists. There was much more in it than that, as everyone knows who saw him on the field. What moved him, at bottom, was simply hatred of city men who had laughed at him so long, and brought him at last to so tatterdemalion an estate. He lusted for revenge upon them. He yearned to lead the anthropoid rabble against them, to set Homo neandertalensis upon them, to punish them for the execution they had done upon him by attacking the very vitals of their civilization. He went far beyond the bounds of any merely religious frenzy, however inordinate. When he began denouncing the notion that man is a mammal even some of the hinds at Dayton were agape. And when, brought upon Darrow’s cruel hook, he writhed and tossed in a very fury of malignancy, bawling against the baldest elements of sense and decency like a man frantic--when he came to the tragic climax there were snickers among the hinds as well as hosannas. "

Well, Jerry Falwell passed last week and he engendered a similar lack of good will. I didn't burst into applause or anything on this news, but I was not the least bit bothered and didn't feel any skinner box, society inflicted, knee jerk remorse at the passing of this divisive blowhard. The most extensive denunciation of Falwell was by the Butcher of Broadway himself, Frank Rich, who penned a piece called The Reverend Falwell's Heavenly Timing in the Sunday Times. Bill Maher offered a funnier homage on his show Friday night in a New Rule called "Death isn't always sad."

“Millions of Americans (upon hearing the news) asked, why, why God, why
couldn't you take Pat Robertson with him? Now I know you’re not supposed to
speak ill of the dead, but I think we can make an exception, because speaking
ill of the dead was kind of Jerry Falwell’s hobby. He was the guy who said aids
was God's punishment for homosexuality and 9/11 was brought on by gays,
feminists, pagans and the ACLU, or as I like to call them, my studio
audience. ”

Zing, bop!

My issues with hyper-Christians and why I moderated my views

I must admit that I've never cared much for devout Christians. None of these misgivings have to do with Christ, whose radical message of peace got him killed. Carrying messages of peace and love is always dangerous: see John Lennon, Ghandi, Martin Luther King -- even the Dixie Chicks -- for the score on that one.

The reason I've never cared much for the devout Christians, other than their compulsive need to declare to most anyone at the most awkward time their personal relationship with Jesus, is that they've often been extremely judgmental about the wrong things and often aggressively associated with the worst political figures. I suppose it isn't fair to judge Christianity by the wacky comments of Pat Robertson or Jerry Falwell and others, but when you read the things they've said, largely unrepudiated by their peers, you have to wonder about the rest of the team. For years Evangelicals have been lined up with lots of ungodly things: anti-environmentalism (they fired their lobbyist because he was also an environmental activist), war, gay bashing, the fight against stem cell research, the Vatican's shameful edict against condoms in AIDS stricken Africa and far too much silence on the death penalty.

Many of my misgivings with these people were summed up in the play Inherit the Wind. The denial of science and evolution now reborn in the silly Intelligent Design argument is disturbing. This exchange with a moralistic radio host in the mold of Dr. Laura Schlesinger, fictional of course in its brilliant off the cuff dagger thrusts by Jeb Bartlet, the president from tv's the West Wing, effectively counters the bible as justification for gay bashing and fundamentalism in general. We'd never be fortunate enough to have a real life president like Bartlet in these "Swift Boat," "Did you pay your nanny taxes," "Did you inhale" times:

President Bartlet: Good. I like your show. I like how you
call homosexuality an abomination.
Jenna Jacobs: I don't say homosexuality is an abomination. The Bible does.
President Bartlet: Yes, it does. Leviticus.
Jenna Jacobs: 18:22
President Bartlet: Chapter and verse.
I wanted to ask you a couple of questions while I had you here. I'm interested
in selling my youngest daughter into slavery as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. She's
a Georgetown sophomore, speaks fluent Italian, and always cleared the table when
it was her turn. What would a good price for her be? While thinking about
that, can I ask another? My Chief of Staff, Leo McGarry, insists on working
on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly says he should be put to death. Am I
morally obligated to kill him myself or is it okay to call the police?
Here's one that's really important, 'cause we've got a lot of sports fans in
this town. Touching the skin of a dead pig makes us unclean, Leviticus 11:7.
If they promise to wear gloves, can the Washington Redskins still play
football? Can Notre Dame? Can West Point? Does the whole town really have to
be together to stone my brother, John, for planting different crops side by
side? Can I burn my mother in a small family gathering for wearing garments
made from two different threads? Think about those questions, would you?

I recently spent a few weeks in the Philippines for the wedding of my sister in law Mildred Ravalo Yap. Mildred is what you would call hyper-religious, like many people in the Philippines. The Philippines is religious enough to close the mall for two days during Holy Week -- that's when you know they are serious. The mall closing says more about their devotion than the mock crucifixions.

Dred does her level best to actually live the life prescribed in the bible. She attains a great deal of inner peace from her faith, and is a charitable, warm, compassionate, selfless person. Part of her charm I'm sure, is that she both looks and has a temperament similar to my wife Cynthia. Dred has many gay friends, and no one I've seen or heard in the PI sees homosexuals as the big problem. I doubt the PI would flip out over the site of Janet Jackson's nipple in a world where children in the world's richest country aren't entitled to medical care, thousands die senselessly in wars and want of cheap vaccinations and religious conflicts between India and Pakistan as well Israel and the rest of the Middle East could lead to Armaggedon.

My colleague Jay Villagomez lives a similar life to my sister in law, and though I've only met her once in person and perused her blog, Bubbles in Paradise, I get that same sense about Saipan Bev. I guess the bottom line comes from a quote I heard from DL Hughley last week on Real Time with Bill Maher: "I believe in God. I just don't believe that everybody who says they work for Him really do."