Framingham Graduation Speech

Here we are at our celebratory lunch after spending about $6,000, all our vacation time and a lot of our patience. I have to admit, it feels good to be here now, to have this degree only nine papers away – at least nine papers away for all of us except Tim and Aysem, who should be exclusively referred to as T and A. I would dub Debra Diaz as Double D, but you all think of me as a sicko already.

Looking out at this graduating Framingham State College Master’s cohort, I can’t help but think of all the things we’ve learned over these last fifteen months.

We learned that $40 a class from each of us doesn’t get us towels in the restroom, let alone coffee or a decent classroom with actual space or much air conditioning. We learned that PSS wasn’t all that interested in paying us our raises according to their very own salary scale.

We learned that Massachusetts is solving its retirement funding problem by sending a steady stream of very old professors to Saipan.

We learned that Veronica is now ready to start her Ph.D.

We learned from Kim that Yahoo games and Microsoft Solitaire are essential educational research sites.

We learned that you could cram one whole family into one graduate class with Elizabeth, Peter, Lynn and soon to be Baby Jeff Mendiola in one cohort.

We learned that Joceyln is bringing radical feminism to Saipan by refusing to marry Jesse.

In our first class sitting in the frigid Airport Fire Department, we learned that very intense air conditioning is apparently the preferred method for putting out fires in the CNMI – water and fire extinguishers be damned.

That first class, incidentally, was the first, of many times we found out that Laurie was the only non-teacher in our group.

A few months later we took Dr. Cunningham’s class, and we learned the importance of essential questions and enduring understandings.

It wasn’t until the following class that we learned in Dan Hnatio’s class that the essential question was: “Why does a dog lick himself,” and the enduring understanding was: “a dog licks himself because he can.”

Dr. Cunningham also noted the importance of a hook, only in this class, at the end of the hook; most of us had a bag of chips. This group went to class with enough provisions for deployment to Iraq.

Of course I can’t skip over Dr. Lou’s class. We learned that collaborative leadership was letting Laurie or Aysem or Roselle or Rizalina do all the work on the projects while the rest of us kept quiet.

We also learned there that the legendary Packers weren’t just Lombardi, Starr, Hornung and Nitschke, there was also Fuccilo in the mix, and for the record, Dr. Lou is not my father.

Eventually the Christmas season came and we learned, yet again, that Laurie was the only non-teacher in the group. We also learned that Framingham will hire a guy like Roberto, the Japanese were misunderstood in WWII, Santos, since he is married to someone who can teach in Gemma and would carry his water while Roberto offered platitudes such as “it is not so fun to be poor.”

In Gemma’s class, we learned about the importance of activating prior knowledge, like when someone explained to Mark McDonald that a Chimichanga was like a burrito – only fried. Speaking of McDonald, we learned that you don’t have to live what you teach. McDonald is a health teacher. We all know that health class is about teaching kids not to have babies until the time is right, yet McDonald has three kids and has been on paternity leave at least twice in the brief four year history of Southern High. Having McDonald as a health teacher is kind of like having me teach you to slam dunk a basketball or how to star in your own shampoo commercial. McDonald, and his new bride, Ryan, who has two kids, have the potential for more offspring than a couple of boonie dogs at a Viagra buffet.

Anyway…

During our Spring Break, Framingham raided the retirement home again and sent out Mr. Benelli. We learned there that it was possible that we could pay $600 to conduct our own graduate class without a professor at all. My memory is a little fuzzy, was that guy ever really in the room at all?

This leads me up to the last two weeks where we learned something really scary: We might not get out of this program if they were going to send that Harvard guy Jilani with all those hard ass linguistics based pre-course assignments. It turned out that his bark was worse than his bite, and I believe we all got through the ESL class – even you Jim. We also learned that Laurie might be giving Gracie brain damage by speaking two languages to her.

It wasn’t until yesterday, in Dan Hnatio’s class, the sequel, that we really learned something: No, I’m not talking about the shotgun wedding of Ryan and Mark after all those months of sexual tension with those two: I’m still astonished that Bryan Jones is really Charles Jones. I haven’t been this shaken up since the Easter Bunny told me that Santa Claus was a fraud.

Anyway, it has been a heck of a journey guys. Congratulations to us all, we got it done, and as a culminating experience, I will be in the pool later and I brought my speedo.

Thanks.

Closing remarks at graduation 2005

I can feel the energy and the anticipation of celebration both here on the stage and throughout the school, so I promise to be brief. Plus, this is Saipan and I don’t want any of you to melt in this June heat.

Many of you graduates have taken my class, so you know I am straight up, so expect no variation from that now.
High school graduation is the greatest day of your young lives. College graduation day pales in comparison to this day. Today you have taken your biggest step into adulthood, a status that holds far greater responsibility. There are values and traits that will carry you far in this next stage of life: hard work, compassion, honesty, intellectual curiosity and active community involvement – these are values that will never go out of style and can never be downsized.
History has told us that one man, or woman, can make a huge difference on the world. You need not look far from the examples set by Martin Luther King, former President Franklin Roosevelt, who got his country through WWII and the Great Depression in a wheelchair, or even someone active in the music and political world today: Bono, the lead singer of U2, who does the right thing with his fame and power by speaking out and working for the weak and the poor.

From our determination to work together, we have built not just a good school, but a great school with a fair and compassionate leader in your principal, Mr. Le’au, who deserves a round of applause.

I think I speak for all the teachers in saying we are all proud to see how you have grown, and we look forward to seeing your future accomplishments. You have set a standard for character and caring, and you inspire us as teachers.

I have had the pleasure of enjoying your company over the years, and several of you made a strong impression on me, and I would be remiss if I didn’t mention at least some of you specifically, but please forgive me if I still possibly butcher the pronunciation of your names. So to: Anthony Taitingfong, Mismar Misaro, Francisco Blas, Tonya Pangelinan and of course, Mr. Saipan, the one and only Triple B, Magellan Borja. You five, along with many others, have inspired me to be a better teacher.

It is my sincere hope you will always remember and cherish your experiences from these past four years. I am confident you have the knowledge and skills to thrive in your post-high school life, and that leaves me to my final piece of advice: Don’t just “go,” but go and “excel” in college. I have always tried to give you practical motivation, so let me speak only to the guys for a moment: There are a lot of gorgeous girls on college campuses, even an “old guy” like me knows that, and you guys won’t be dating those girls getting D’s, so if books and learning don’t motivate you, for the love of God, let the beauty of those college girls motivate you. Please guys, trust me on this one.

Having said that, let me speak to the young ladies for a moment. These same guys will grow-up some day, I promise you. Don’t lower your standards, and don’t date the slackers. Their attraction to you is my best motivational tool to get them to perform academically.

On top of the romantic motivation for going to college, let me offer a second motivation: more money in your pockets. I’ve told you guys repeatedly, and the facts back me up here, your chances of being broke increase dramatically without a college degree, and beyond that a graduate school degree, which is practically required these days.

I don’t want to see you working in the 99 cents store as a clerk, I want to see you guys in law offices and hospitals and science laboratories, and while it is a bit too late to give you guys extra credit, to all you future scientists, I promise a whole lot of extra credit to your kids down the line if any of you can come up with the cure for baldness.

I know you all have the heart, self-confidence, and courage to face life’s challenges as you build your world, brighten the lives of those around you and give back to your communities.

In closing, I have but one request: We are not finished with each other today. This is not good-bye. Heck, I’ll probably bump into some of you at the post office tomorrow, this is still Saipan after all. And remember you never saw me in any establishment my new wife Cynthia wouldn’t want me to be in – you only saw me in the library preparing lessons. It was some other short, stocky, yet handsome, bald white guy you saw in the Garapan clubs.
You are about to become Saipan Southern alumni, and you are all invited to visit us during your college vacations – unless you want to borrow money, in that case go directly to the office of Mr. Le’au or Dr. Inos, your commissioner. They are higher up the salary scale than us teachers. But seriously, email us, continue to be involved in the success of the school you helped create. Advise your younger friends and siblings about the importance of learning and school, and remember, you are always a member of the Manta Ray family. Thank you for your time, and congratulations to you all, and let me bellow out the words many of you have been dying to hear:
Nothing, homework, neh!!